A mini collage of myself and some of my favourite people.
This isn’t a step-by-step guide to always having a smile on your face and being “happy” all the time. This is me explaining how I’ve been learning to become more of a positive person and how I’ve embraced doing it all on my own. Although good people in your life can help you create a more positive life as well (more about that below!!!). Being positive doesn’t mean that you have to live in a perfect, sugar-coated world. A person who is positive faces obstacles as well. They get angry, just like any other person and they fight hard for what they believe in, but they are strong and self-aware about their emotional state. They take responsibility for their feelings and are okay with being kept accountable. I am not always positive – I struggle, just like anyone else. I get into moods and feel not so great sometimes. It happens, but always remember that what you’re going through isn’t permanent.
Here are a few things that helped me become more positive in life.
1) Focus more on your peace of mind and less on being happy. Experience everyday as it comes and let yourself feel different emotions. When I try to increase my peace of mind – I try not to overthink things or think too much into things. When you overthink things or worry about things you cannot control, it only leaves you feeling upset and disappointed. Accept that you are right where you need to be. As soon as you start letting go of the fact that you cannot control all aspects of your life, it will become easier. Someone once told me, “you may not be able to control every situation and its outcome, but you can control how you react to it” and I’ve always lived by this. Sometimes shitty things happen, but I always try to keep an open mind and I’m a strong believer that things do happen for a reason so this gives me peace of mind that I am right where I need to be. Your thoughts and mindset are EVERYTHING.
2) Don’t make your intimate relationships the end-all-be-all of your happiness. The person who is in a relationship with you is not there to give you your happiness, they are there to increase it. When it comes to relationships, I see it as two people, two separate entities coming together to be positive additions in each other lives, not the one person completing the other person’s life. You can’t rely on your partner to shift your mood, heal you, or fill empty spaces and it is not your responsibility to do that for your partner either. I’m not saying don’t be there for your partner if they are going through a rough time, I’m just saying that if they need space or to be alone – give it to them and don’t let their mood define how happy/upset you are. Don’t feed off their energy. Create your own happiness and stay positive for your partner. The last thing you need is both people feeling really awful. Develop a positive relationship with yourself and embrace your independence.
3) Don’t force things – this applies to everything in life. Your relationships, your friendships, conversations. Once you learn how to let life happen on its own, you’ll be so much more relaxed. Go with the flow!!! Don’t self-ruminate and over-analyze every situation or relationship in your life. Remind yourself that you don’t need to have it all figured out.
4) Figure out what truly makes you happy so that when you do get into a negative mood, you can find ways to pick yourself up. Go to the gym, call a friend, journal, play a video game, and get distracted! If you’re struggling to find something to do, why don’t you try something new? Step out of your comfort zone. Strength comes from overcoming things we thought we couldn’t do. Do something challenging you would’ve never thought you’d enjoy.
5) Don’t take yourself so seriously. (I need to take my own advice!!!!!) I’m always taking myself too seriously. Always trying to be a superhuman and be the best version of myself. I never give myself a break. Give yourself permission to be who you are. Allow yourself to be different and to be unique. Reach for your dreams and go as far as you need to in order to accomplish them. Don’t compare yourself or your life to others. Get off social media and give it a break if you are. Social media can seriously be the devil sometimes.
6) Listen to yourself. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, helps you grow or makes you happy. Eliminate toxic people or relationships from your life. Once you allow someone to disrespect you or treat you like you don’t matter, you are setting the tone for the rest of your relationship with that person. As I have grown up, this has been a huge lesson learned for me. I don’t tolerate people who come in and out of my life whenever they feel like and I do not allow people to treat me as if I am a friend/partner of convenience. Let it go guys, seriously!!! Please don’t let people be shitty to you. I promise you deserve so much better than that. A person who says they like you and care about you wouldn’t be treating you like that!
Lastly, appreciate all the good things in your life. The things and people you may be taking for granted. A roof over your head, food on the table, your job, your health, your education, your family, friends, and your significant other. Thank them and send them love whenever you can. I thank God for all the good people in my life and for what He has given me thus far. Be humble. Good things are coming!
Sending you lots of positive energy,